Women Wearing a Tallit

My Tallit Is Holding Me Together

There was a small but growing number of women tallit wearers' at the Shabbat morning services. Something irritated me about them and, because the majority were among my really close friends, it was quite a dilemma. What had they discovered that was so special? Their demonstration of spirituality made me feel rather lacking as I did not consider myself very good at praying. I would really feel a fraud in a tallit. Obviously they had taken the step as a result of inner struggle or because of some very meaningful life experience. My difficulties with life did not take me in that direction and in any case the whole thing smacked a bit of feminism', a lobby I strongly avoided.

It happened in Yorkshire when I was away with my family on one of our spring holidays. My husband Anthony was there as well as Simon 21, Cathy 19 and her friend. We were marooned in the house by a raging blizzard hurling itself against the mountain. What a day for my birthday! I unwrapped the parcel and drew out the woollen tallit striped with wine and gold. What on earth had made Anthony give me a tallit? I had never even mentioned the subject. I felt speechless and overwhelmed. There was within me confusion, amazement, helplessness, questioning, but over all an awareness of being deeply, deeply loved. The children's faces were a mixture of something gone crazy but it all feels good'. "Well", said my son Simon, "aren't you going to put it on?"

Whatever it was that motivated Anthony to give me the tallit remains partly a mystery and I do not have to have it spelt out. The decision was off my shoulders and the tallit was on them. I like it. And whether I am good at praying or not does not seem to matter any more. It holds me together and brings a certain awareness of the important things in life.

Jackie King-Cline

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