Putting On the Tallit for Women Helps Me Centre My Thoughts Inward for Prayer
It took a long time before I was able to wear a kippah and tallit. Quite a lot of the reason, I think, dates back to my early teens when I was a member of an Orthodox community. I went to shul every week and gazed down from the balcony at the lucky boys who were able to be actively involved in the service. It never occurred to me that that could be me one day. I knew my place! My involvement in my Reform community came comparatively late in life. I had been a yom tov' member for many years but, as the time approached for my son's bar mitzvah and the rabbi asked for parental participation, I got to know my community and to enjoy the services more than I had thought possible. I noticed that two of the female members of the congregation wore kippot and tallitot but, since one was the rabbi's wife, I just thought they were very frum. After getting to know them better, it did occur to me that this was something that I might do in the future, but the time never seemed right. I did not feel I wanted to make a radical feminist statement; I was aware that certain members of the community were not too happy about women wearing kippot and tallitot and I did not feel secure enough in my Jewishness to cause any problems.
My son's bar mitzvah came and went and my involvement in the community and service participation grew. I still did not feel ready. I attended a couple of seminars at the Manor House about Women and Judaism; at one in January 1985 I saw women accustomed to wearing kippot and tallitot offering other women the opportunity to practice. I could not physically bring myself to do it. It somehow felt forbidden and sacrilegious.
Sitting in shul one Shabbat morning in February 1985 I suddenly realised that I was being ridiculous. I wanted to wear a kippah and tallit; I was convinced of my reasons, I was not bothered about other people's opinions and I was going to do it. I had grown up'. Still it was easier said than done. I am still not sure that my reasons for doing it were right' but I now realise that it does not really matter. I felt that putting on the tallit would help to centre my thoughts inward for prayer after all the rushing about I do before arriving in shul on Shabbat. I also liked the idea of having something special to wear for prayer and very much disliked the idea that this was a privilege reserved for men. I was happy to think that the next time I was called up I could mark the place in the Torah with my tallit and that seemed to be really important. So I went to the Manor House and bought myself a kippah and tallit with some money left indirectly by my grandfather; I smiled to think what he might have said if he had known.
The first time I wore them in shul I felt very self-conscious. I was sure everyone was looking at me; I practised in front of the mirror at home and wore them around the house before the Big Day'. My children's attitudes were interesting: the girls, then 17 and 12, thought it was terrible; they said it was disgusting and refused to sit with me in shul - not that they ever came. I think this was just about having a mother who was a little different to the majority and their views have become much less extreme now they see the sincerity of what I am doing. My 15 year old son was delighted. He could see no reason why I should not wear a kippah and tallit and was proud to be with me the first time I did.
I really need not have worried. Nobody said anything critical but a few people asked me why and I was happy to try to explain. One male member did ask me whether I might not prefer to wear a shawl rather than a "man's" tallit but he certainly did not press the point.
I am only sorry now that it took me so long to actually do it' and I am proud and grateful to belong to such a warm, friendly and tolerant community.
Michele Charkham
Copied with permission from www.reformjudaism.org.uk
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